This week on: The Weekly Brew we are discussing:
Good and Bad…
I feel like I’m on this never-ending journey of self-discovery. I don’t know when it really started, or when it actually hit me that it was important to figure out ‘who I am’. But for several years now, and with the help of outlets such as this, I have made huge steps in defining me… and yet I still have no idea sometimes. lol.
I spent the better part of this month going through old emotions and feelings. Remembering things that I had long since forgotten from my childhood. It was a process of deep thinking mixed with analyzing and evaluating how I felt then vs how I feel now. As I did this, I began to notice a pattern.
I only categorize things based on good and bad. Why? There are so many more emotions/feelings out there. Why was I sectioning things out into black and white. And then I came to the realization that ‘good’ was easy to express. I could share it. I could laugh about it. I could talk about it. It was simple. But the ‘bad’ that was harder to share. Those feelings I wanted to deal with on my own, in private or push back down into their dark hole and ignore completely. It was in this moment of realization that I acknowledge how unhealthy this ‘black and white’ process was.
Overall my life is easy and happy. I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for: family, friends, home, health, food, opportunities, etc… But there are things that have happened in my past (just like everybody else) that I need to start confronting and changing my attitude toward. I need to face the fear and the doubt and anger that sometimes brings my happy ‘now’ to a screeching halt. I need to understand and deal with ALL of my emotions and feelings, so that I can show my children how to do that same.
We can’t always be happy. We can’t always enjoy each little moment. There are times, and there are things that get on our nerves. Yes, my children are the most important thing to me, and I am grateful that I have them and they are healthy, and I get to spend as much time as I do with them. I am grateful, but that doesn’t mean that when they’re throwing a tantrum or being inconsiderate or disrespectful that I shouldn’t get angry. It’s just as important to teach my boys how to deal with anger, disappointment, and frustration as it is to teach them how to be happy and find peace and joy in things.
It seems like such a simple thing, but this week, it really hit me that I need to have more than just ‘good’ and ‘bad’. There’s a grey area there that definitely needs to be explored.